Bea's Costa Rica journal entries

[Kragen Sitaker]

2003-06-19
beatrice @ canonical . org
We're in a taxi on our last day in Costa Rica riding from La Fortuna to
San Jose. We spent three days in La Fortuna, letting my back heal from
Tuesday's mini surgery. I had a mole removed from my back, which has
been there my whole life, but at 11:30 I noticed it was bigger and by
2:30 it was gone and sitting in a jar filled with formaldehyde awaiting
a trip to the pathologist's for a biopsy.  The results might be waiting
for me via fax at the Hemingway Inn.

This honeymoon has been wonderful and it bodes well for the start of
our marriage.  The wedding was fantastic and I was pleased with how
well it turned out.  The ceremony was beautiful, fun and sacred, I
hope to remember it always.  I love the way Kragen and I communicate,
we're not always patient with each other, but we treat each other with
love and respect. Sometimes our love for each other boggle my mind, and
feels surreal, but at the same time the reality of it all overwhelmes me.

In Santa Elena, I traded my two books, "Faking It" & "Exit to Eden",
which I had finished reading, for a wonderful & poignant book "The Magic
Journey" by John Nichols.  I finished this book during the beginning of
this taxi ride and now Kragen is absorbed.  It tells the tale of the
'betterment of Chamisaville', a haunting description of greed for the
'American Dream', a concept which is more and more filling me with
disgust.  The rapid consumption of our planet's resources and the ever
expanding waistlines of people as they become 'Americanized' fills me with
despair and shame.  I don't want people to consume ourselves to death,
but it seems like that's where we're all headed if we don't drastically
change the way society works.

Working for FACT Services helps me know that I'm making the world a better
place, and yet I feel that we need to do more.  I'm strongly considering
getting involved in the political system upon our return to the States,
yet I don't know where to start.  Working (volunteering) for Working
Assets is a good start.  Things have got to change, Shrub has GOT to go,
but I don't know who is able to take on the system by working it. Seeing
the rise of fascism in my country scares me shitless and yet so many
people are blinded with the promise of democracy in the USA that they
can't see (or more likely don't want to see) what's going on right out in
the open.  The project for a new american century is the biggest conpiracy
out there and yet it's right out in the open www.newamericancentury.org

===================
Later at bedtime:

We hit San Jose around 2 pm and hit some MAJOR traffic.  The streets are
very small, go one way for the most part and there are lots of people
on the sidewalks and in the intersections.  It also didn't help that the
president of Columbia was in town and so a section of town was closed to
traffic thus creating the traffic nightmare from hell.  Our taxi driver
from La Fortuna dropped us off at the bus station so that we could get our
bags and take a local taxi who would know where to go and how to get to
the hotel.  With a great stroke of luck we ran into the same taxi driver
(Fernando) who took us originally to Manuel Antonio from San Jose on our
second day in Costa Rica.  He's going to take us to the airport tomorrow
at the ungodly hour of 6:30.  I don't like getting up early.

So we checked into our nice B&B the Hemingway Inn www.hemingwayinn.com
and then headed to lunch and had the best comidas tipicas we've had this
whole trip.

When we got back we received the awaited fax which said that my mole
was clean.  No cancer, YEAH!

This evening at dinner Kragen and I discussed the affairs of this world
and he insists that things are getting better and that we, the people of
this planet, are getting better and that we'll figure out this century
how to end war.  I truly wish I could believe him, but I don't have
that unwavering faith in humanity and the internet.  One the one hand
I wonder if I'm becoming jaded and on the other I find that the global
events in the news are having a much more profound effect on me lately.
Whereas before I was able to blithely read the news, nowadays I find
myself crying over picture of people burning themselves in protest
in Paris.  I think also that the Costa Rican newspapers put pictures of
death on their front pages in a manner that I am not used to.  Remember,
we had a "clean" war, hardly any pictures of dead people in the news
unless you searched for them.  It makes me think of the newspapers in
the 30's and 40's when mobsters and their victims were splashed all over
the newspapers.

To change the topic completely, I am madly, desperately and happily in
love with my husband.  This is a great start.

====================
2003-06-20
We're on the airplane over the atlantic coast, flying to Newark, NJ.
We will then catch a connector to SF.  Our "honeymoon" is almost over
and yet I am not saddened at all.  We've had a wonderful vacation and
I am so glad we got to spend this time together.

It feels like some sort of spigot, which has been rusted tight for years
has come loose.  I seem to be very emotional these days and cry like
I used to be able to: for joy, for sorrow and for things in between.
Even though I don't like being a slave to my emotions, I love being able
to feel life pulse.  "Between us we find the echo of that love which
has filled the universe since the dawn of creation."

I feel like I'm writing such sap and yet I don't know a better way to
convey me thoughts.  Kragen told me wonderful things today about me and
as nice as it is to receive compliments, I fear I will dissapoint him.
I will do my best to be a good, honest, decent and loving soul, but I'm
human and thus flawed.  Yes we did promise to love each other "despite
our flaws" but I don't want to ever hurt, disappoint or let him down.
I know I will though.  Some of our friends got married in March and
had a handfasting ceremony (the night war was declared) and their vows
we answers to a series of questions and I find them helpful with the
doubts and fears I have now.  I'm paraphrasing, but they were in the
vein of the following: "will you cause each other pain... yes... is that
your intention... no" "will you love each other... yes... is that your
intention... yes" and so on.  It was beautiful because they acknowledged
that despite their best intentions life was not going to be complete
smooth sailing.  I know it won't be so for us either in the future beause
it hasn't been in the past, but we stumble through and treat each other
with respect and love.  Our communication scares me with its depth and
clairty; it's amazing.